Mood:  a-ok

Since I was a kid, I never really liked hospitals. Probably it is because I was never allowed to get inside one (at least for the first few years that I can remember). I associated it with everything that is negative: the distinct hospital scent, the idea of being sick and even death. And just two nights ago, a friend of mine (a very good one) was rushed to one.

I was too tired to go out last Friday night with our barkada so I bailed out. It was during the evening when a friend texted me that something terrible happened. One of our friends had seizures--serious ones. At first, I thought that he was just bluffing until the second message came. He said our friend's mouth was frothing (when my friend got better, somebody cracked the joke that it was like Linda Blair's) which made me jump off to bed and call them up. I knew it was something really serious--things involving seizures and frothing of the mouth (at least to my knowledge) shows that either he is an epileptic or he was poisoned (though I am not so sure how these thoughts came to me that fast). One friend asked me to search for his number. Unfortunately, the only number that appears in the directories and in my phone book is his personal number so I was not able to help them that much. Being far from where they are made me feel really uneasy. I was seriously worried about my friend's condition. I didn't like the idea that one of my closest friends is sick. It's a good thing that the rest of the gang was there to help. But the worrying didn't stop there.

We went to visit him the next day. I still didn't like the fact that I was in a hospital (despite the fact that Medical City seemed to be less like one). We headed for the ICU and there he was: awake and healthier (at least from the last state he was on). He said he was feeling a lot better; one friend (his best one) even cracked jokes about what happened. All felt light and good, but we were still inside the hospital (and there's nothing good "good" in that). For me, it ain't over `til it's over. I'm still worried about my friend's condition. A brain infection is not something that you encounter everyday. I just want him to be ok as soon as possible.

It is actually in a time like this when you are reminded how you value a person (in this case, a friend) that much.

Get well soon, bro.

posted by groupblog at 12:17 PM WST

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Mood:  blue

One of my friends had seizures last night. He is at Medical City right now. Hope he's already ok. Wasn't able to sleep last night (almost). I'm dead worried.

*sigh*

posted by groupblog at 9:00 AM WST

Updated: Tuesday, 23 November 2004 10:41 PM WST

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Mood:  lazy

Friday afternoons are supposedly my `worthwhile afternoons'. On my weekly game plan, it's supposed to precede Friday (or Saturday) night outs (if there are any). During these times, I plan on doing something that I find worthwhile: catching up with good friends; doing some research work or just wasting my time on something new.

After spending time wondering where those missing library books have gone (been doing that a lot lately), I decided to attend the College Assembly at the college of Mass Communication auditorium. After hearing lots of clich?s (well, some of them really make sense... I just wonder why most students are letting them be), I decided to write my piece about the issue here (been actually planning on doing that way before but I just didn't know how to start).

But I am too tired to do anything right now. I guess I have to pass.

Like what most people say: it's the thought that counts anyway.

posted by groupblog at 7:34 PM WST

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Mood:  energetic

Time: 12:34am

Just got home from a fashion show by UP SAMASKOM--a student organization under the College of Mass Communication. I was invited by a good friend, whose designs happened to be one of the fashion show's features. (I finished all my research and reading materials early for this to fit my schedule.) It was my first time to be in an event of that kind. For the longest time, I lived my life away from the seemingly `posh' subculture that these people have.

I came there all by myself. On the entrance, there were two equally pretty girls (one of which is an acquaintance and the other my good friend/classmate last semester) who, at that moment, were in-charge of the tickets and the reception. Since I knew nobody there (I may be sociable in the university but not in places like this), I decided to stick with them (though I felt that I wasn't helping them face the incoming guests). After a bottle of mineral water (which I have to say is sort of expensive) a couple of rest room breaks and several hours of waiting, I decided to see what's going on inside. It was there that I realized that I am not used to being alone: I felt really awkward to get near the crowd. Probably it was because I was alone. I didn't know where to go in the first place so I sat away from them until I saw an acquaintance. He was with a friend (who looked really familiar). After saying our hellos, he introduced me to his friend. It was after hearing his friend's name that I realized that my suspicion was right. He is actually good chat mate from long ago. I was really surprised.

The night went on as it should (though I have to say that the fashion show started a bit late). I was amused to see some pretty models (one of which is a friend) and their cool clothes. I never thought that making clothes can be such an art (great ones, I mean). But the stunner was "Kikiam Defensor" with her cool attitude and personality that complements the clothes that my friend made. It was all good (meaning there are also some episodes which are good for laughs, but not boisterous ones). Got the chance to meet some new people there (hope I can remember that much). After the show, I went backstage to greet everybody (at least to those that I have the courage to approach at) for a job well done.

I am beginning to enjoy my new college. I am looking forward to more days like this (without the Cinderella curfew, of course). Anyways, I have always been an obsessive-compulsive about my schedule so time management won't be a problem. It really has to do with loving what you are doing. I guess I am now where I truly belong.

I just want to thank my good friend for the invitation and the chance.

It's just sad that sleeping beauty wasn't there.

posted by groupblog at 1:25 AM WST

Updated: Friday, 19 November 2004 7:31 PM WST

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Mood:  irritated

Just until a while ago, I was trying to save up money for this week. That was a while ago. I had to spend a great deal of my weekly allowance for the piles of reading material that I had to get for my subjects. Most prices have risen including food and fare but my allowance hasn't. In fact, my allowance when I was a freshman was even a bit higher. Thanks to my ever suspicious dad (who does not believe that it is actually possible to stay out late in the university without spending lots of money); he has decreased my allowance to an amount analogous to the minimum wage of our laborers. That is, literally the exact amount for me to survive a day in UP. Did I mention exact? By the way, I forgot to say that eating lavishly can cause deficit. No bluffin'. We are not rich.

Just when I thought that everything will be ok (I will manage, like always), a gush of bad news welcomed me the moment I got home. I actually was too tired to comprehend but I had to. Especially in a unique family setup like ours, it has become the responsibility (or should I say burden) for us (me and my siblings) to become the communication pathway between our mom and dad. We serve as telephone operators because for no apparent reason, they like that over directly taking to each other (most of the time). This means we had to deal with the stress of hearing all our household problems (usually involving money matters). It also means that we had to be like diplomats in bearing with their "angry voices" that are supposedly addressed to one another (and not to us). Not that it happens always, but to say that it happens rarely is to indulge in fantasy.

Sometimes, I wish that I could just ignore it, but I can't. There are times I wish that these money problems were detached from my academic life, but they aren't. I have bigger plans in mind--to do more extensive research papers, high quality presentations, more experience and input from the outside world--but all of them limited by the lack of financial resources. Then he tells me "bakit kailangan mong maghanap ng trabaho? kung gusto mo lang yan wag mo!" Or "puro pa-photocopy ng adverb, adjective at kung anu-ano pa!!!" He would even seemingly doubt us whenever we ask him in cases we run out of money because of paying for school-related stuff. For goodness' sake, the money he gives us is just enough... any extra expense would cause deficit.

Though he is not aware that I am, I know that my dad thinks that I complain a lot. But the truth is, despite my complaints, I have complied most of the time. I may sound really selfish but I think the stresses should not be put on us. He always tells us that `it is his way or the highway'; that he is the provider and thus the one who has all the decisions. Isn't that power the reward for being the provider? If so, doesn't sharing with the burden (of money matters in our household) with us (in a way) make him less (take note: LESS and not NOT) righteous over that power?

But things are not all that bad. Though lacking in some aspects, much of our life here, if not slightly lavish, is quite ok. Water is abundant (we seldom run out of water). My sister doesn't even want to live in a dorm because she loves her air-conditioned room a lot. Costs for my internet time are paid for as well as our cable TV subscription. Our electricity bills have gone extremely high and we still get to eat three times a day. These things sometimes remind me that I often take some things for granted. But again, the issue here is not about the money--it is more about the way my dad handles things in our household. Sometimes I wish he'd let us be (at least in deciding for ourselves). Or better yet, try to understand how things have been for us. He has the audacity to use our responsibilities to the family against us when he can't even fulfill his role at least in a way that he has been clinging on to.

Right now, because of a fight with my mom, he's been threatening (us or my mom?) that he won't be giving us our allowance for the week after next week. A few moments ago, they were scolding at each other over the phone (which seldom happens because we usually get to hear the scolding for us to transmit later on). At this very moment, my brother (who was the unfortunate one who got caught in the middle), is complaining about our present situation. *sigh*

I should have taken the full-time job at People Support. *sigh* *sigh*

posted by groupblog at 10:56 PM WST

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Mood:  hug me

1. Went out to Oz Caf? with a couple friends from my law and ethics class. They were a pretty interesting bunch (or should I say pair, though I have to say that they aren't together "together"). If things won't go out of hand, we will be spending the rest of our academic lives together. In other words, we're bound to be classmates in our majors for the next two years. I'm just glad to have known them.

2. After the "bonding session" with my classmates, I saw an alumna of UP Haring Ibon sitting under one of sunken garden's acacia trees. She was near the coconut tree (the only one there)--near the same spot where we used to hang out a few years back (yeah, I am that old). I approached her and asked how she's been. She told me some updates on her job, her love life and some updates on some of our organization's alumni. She told me that she's waiting for another alumna who'll be coming from work. I found out that they meet there once in a while--not much any different from our routine a few years back. She even reminded me of how I was back then: the innocent-looking freshman who used to drink gin with them even in broad daylight. She wondered why I stopped being the tripper that I was (though now, I look more like one). She asked why I stopped staying out late. It couldn't possibly be caused my dad (who's been strict since I don't know when). Maybe I chose to. Maybe I had no other choice. I honestly didn't know what to answer. What I know is that, I missed them big time.

Why did I even stop doing those things? Does it really come with age? Sometimes people (at least in the university) assume that I am the ultimate rule breaker and thrill seeker; but the truth is I am actually not. But why? Is it a sign of maturity? If it is, why do I still have the desire to break free again? Does that make me less mature?

My life is what I make it. I'm not going to let any circumstance get in my way. I know what I want. I guess I just have to be more assertive.

3. Spent my night out at Quattro with my barkada last night. It has been a while since I last saw them (probably more than two months ago) so being with them again was great. There is the usual "updating each other" thing and the "barkada gossip" headed by a good friend. Apparently, much (gossip or truth?) has been going around without my knowledge. Much was said (or rather, implied) from what I have heard from them last night. And like always, each came out to be a good sport.

As Christmas nears, so is our barkada Christmas party. Preparations have already started; thanks to the ones for planning and organizing skills. Some categories for our outrageous barkada awards are finalized already and will be polled soon. Kris-cringle has begun and the first batch of gifts is expected next week. (Hmmm.... I wonder what I will be getting.)

4. Some questions: Am I that thin? (Am I too thin?) Do I really look like I'm taking drugs?

5. Just as promised, I help my grandmother organize her stuff. As she was digging on to piles of old stuff, she found this letter written on pink paper. It was a letter addressed to all her children. She asked me to read it, so I did. It was then that I found out that the letter was meant to be read on the day of her death. My vision became clouded as I went on reading. It was when I was about to sob that I stopped reading the letter. I just can't bear the thought of her gone. I told her that there will be a time for me to read the letter, but that time isn't now. She can keep it for the longest time possible, I told myself. For now, she just has to go on living.

I guess she has to take Madonna's song, "Die another Day," seriously.

6. On blogs: talking about your self or talking about other people's businesses? Being self-centered or being nosy? Narcissism or not?

posted by groupblog at 5:01 PM WST

Updated: Monday, 15 November 2004 11:04 AM WST

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1. I just can't believe the fact that I'm taking a theory class this semester. I'm not sure if I am all geared up for the subject though. What I know is that I have to start getting my neurons to work. It means lesser time online and more time in front of my books.

2. After ten months of weight reduction, I finally succumbed to temptation. I saw it coming during my ten days of stay in Bataan, but ignored it. Now, my sweet tooth is back with a vengeance. It now has a life of its own, controlling my mind like Protoss dark archons. It takes over me every time confectionery is within reach. This fact is worsened by the fast approaching Yuletide season. Close friends can testify how I've gained two inches of waist just over the Christmas break. Some of you might consider my weight problem trivial, but come on; it will be ten months of work gone to waste should this remain unresolved.

3. Because of that *points at number 2* I have decided monitor my weight (again). Nothing new here. I just have to begin where I left off. (For those naturally thin people, you may never understand this. I am the type of person who gets fat easily because genetically, I am destined to be one. In my case, some effort has to be done.)

4. I need to manage my time wisely this semester. Aside from academics and extra-curricular work, I have decided to add something that I almost neglected last semester--my social life (friends and barkada). The challenge doesn't stop there, I have to juggle those things with another thing: my part time job (hopefully, my first step to independence).

posted by groupblog at 12:01 AM WST

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Mood:  cool

Just since my recent sem break, I have developed a love for tea. Before that, I didn't really think that I would enjoy drinking it. I used to think that teas are for those health conscious people that sport untypical lifestyles. Probably it was because most of my friends who actually drink these stuff are those health buffs/yoga practicioners who seem to be "in touch" to their spiritual sides or something like that. (Sorry for the generalization. What do I know? I am not really into minding other people's businesses.) What I know is that (like the McDonald's new tag line), "I'm lovin it."

Right now, I'm finishing a mug of black tea made from peach. It is my second mug today; the first one was made out of chamomile. But unlike the chamomile tea, this black tea is more aromatic--it actually smells like perfume (probably might taste like one... I don't know). I like the chamomile one more, but it's too early to say that it is my favorite. There are dozens of tea out there that I still am yet to have a sip of. For now, I have to settle for these two. I'm planning on spending next week in Bahay Kalinaw to have a taste of their "strawberry tea" (the one ordered by a friend when we had a meeting there before). I just hope that I am not "tea intolerant" (if there's such a thing).

I can't help but wonder if there is anything Filipino about drinking tea. (You see nations like Japan, China and the UK having tea drinking ceremonies etc). If there is, are there actually teas made from indigenous plants aside from those "pito-pito" that quacks sell? If not, how has this turned into something that is truly ours (well, tsaa with putobumbong doesn't sound too foreign)?

posted by groupblog at 10:03 PM WST

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Mood:  celebratory

1. I finished enlisting my subjects today. I finally decided to take another sociology subject as my elective. This time, it??s about the family. Can??t say much on what to expect though. All I know is that it??s another semester of lots of readings and paperwork for me (that goes for all my subjects).

2. Ate out with my Comm 100 classmates and some of their friends (who have become mine too, I hope) in some Thai restaurant in SM North. I really enjoyed the spicy food there (flooded my food with green and red hot sauce). Also, the lemonade with pandan there was superb. Since I am not really a ??lunch?? person, it has been a while since I got to experience that (the last lunch I had in UP was with May and MTV supah stah??s ??Kok?? last semester). It??s one load of a laughing trip and a food trip for me.

3. After the big lunch (I was really full, though I don??t think most people would agree with me on that), we went to invade a friend??s house. Printed my resume, abused her DSL connection and chilled for a while with some music from contemporary local rock bands there (jeez, I really sound very un-rakista!). We were even served iced tea?Xall without the owner. (Yeah, you heard me right. The house??s owner wasn??t there.) After a while, we left. It was shortly after that when the owner got home. (Sad fate. ?? )

4. I passed my first job examination. It was like those reality shows on TV for teens, several people get eliminated after several stages of tests. I am not really sure if beginner??s luck has something to with this, but one thing is for sure?XI am one lucky guy. Unfortunately I chose a part time job, I still have to wait for some part time positions there to be vacant before I can start. Until then, all I can do is wait.

posted by groupblog at 12:01 AM WST

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Mood:  energetic

Last night, I was supposed to take an exam in one of the call centers in Makati. Unfortunately, because of the sucky EDSA traffic and a noise barrage against oil price hike mob in Bicutan interchange, I was not able to make it on time. So there it was--a night and a taxi cab fare all gone to waste. It was not all bad though. I was told that I could come back on Monday evening to take the exam. I called up our house and told our maid what happened. I thought my night would end there, but it didn't.

I was with other two guys in the office that night. Apparently, both of them are late comers like me. But their case is not that simple: it was their last chance of getting the exam. One guy, the pale one, was talking to the officer. It seemed to me that he was asking for another chance for them both. The other guy, who just sat beside me, was just listened to what the officer had to say. After talking to the officer, I trudged towards the elevator and started to call it a night. It didn't take long before the two followed. Knowing the sad fate that we had, I started a conversation. What we all know is that we were all frustrated (at least in some sort). Later on, I found out that we all go to the same university. It was ten that I realized that the pale guy looks very familiar. I asked some more and confirmed and learned that he is actually the one that I had in mind--a guy that my friends used to call "the vampire" or "Lestat". He had long hair back then and very pale skin which resembled a model for vampires described in most books and in movies. Since I had nothing to do, I decided to just stick with them for the night.

They were a pretty interesting duo. We began talking about common friends and acquaintances as well as topics ranging from "capitalism and call centers" to "finding no value in money". The conversation was fun and insightful. It was, at least to me, what we just needed--a distraction from our stressful experience at the office. In a short span of time, it felt as if they were my friends all along. But the night didn't just end there. We were already in front of SM Makati when one of them received a call. It was from the call center. It was the call that made our night. They were given the chance to take the exam and start on Monday if ever they get hired.

The night wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, it was all good. Though I was not able to achieve what I had in plan for, I had other good things that came my way. I got to meet new friends plus the good news that they were still given the chance. I just hope that we'll all be hired and end up on the same account.

posted by groupblog at 2:44 PM WST

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